Lesson Learned

I was sitting in church on Sunday in one of the best classes I have ever attended when I really was struck by something. The teacher made a comment about how sometimes she gets so busy doing what she "ought" to be doing that she forgets to do what she "needs" to do. I really was hit by this because I feel like this applies to me in my life, right now especially.

In fact, that very day I had made a choice to leave my house a total disaster to attend church, even though I knew I was going to have visitors and would be embarrassed. I was struggling with this when the teacher made this comment. Suddenly, I realized that I put my housecleaning above many things in my life. I do believe that cleanliness is like godliness, but not if the devil is doing the cleaning.

Sometimes I am so focused on getting or keeping my home clean that I forget to enjoy my home and family. I will spend time cleaning instead of holding or playing with my children. Many times I will find myself yelling at my children for making messes after I just cleaned. Like I expect them to just sit around and not touch anything or something. Sometimes my home will be spotless when I go to bed, but I did not play with my children, read my scriptures, say my prayers, tell my husband I love him or do anything of real worth that day.

I realized that the times that I feel truly happy have more to do with what I did that day rather than what I cleaned. Did I serve someone else? Did I have a good chat with someone I love? Did I make a mess of my kitchen with my boys making cupcakes? Did I hold my infant when I was not feeding her? Did I touch my husband and not just talk to him? These are things that truly make me happy.

I know that with the gospel I have peaks and valleys like this too. Sometimes, my testimony is really strong and other times I can feel that it is weaker than it should be. I know that it is like a muscle and it needs to be exercised, but I do not always do what I should. I am too busy doing what I "ought" to do instead of doing what I "need" to do. I have to experience a conversion to the gospel all over again. I have to recommit myself to do what is truly important in life.

I think the thing that I liked the most about the comment that the teacher made is that she did not say that she was too busy to do what she needs to do-like she is sitting at a spa getting a manicure. She recognized that we get caught up doing things that are of importance, just not to the degree of the things we sometimes neglect to do.

I am not perfect in anyway and am only hoping that I can try a little harder to do better. Understanding this time however, that when I am not doing as good as I should it is not because I am not doing anything important. I need to be more gentle on myself and just keep trying to do better.