needed to be said

By Nate Tanner

I have often thought about the things that I would like to tell my mother if she were alive. How much I love her; the things that I appreciate about her; the things that I recognize that she has done for me in my life. Even more often I think about the questions that I would like to ask her. What was I like as a baby? What was she like as a child? I have dreamed about her being a grandmother to my children; knowing my loving wife Terra; Having my mom tell me that I am a good father is the ultimate dream that I continually have.

I miss my mom so much but something very profound always seems to seep into my mind. Am I taking advantage of the time that I have with my father? Am I spending all my time feeling sorry that I lost my mother that I am neglecting my father just to someday feel all the same regret and sorrow for the time I lost with my dad. Granted, he is a grandfather to my children and knows my wife, but when he is gone, the time that follows will be time that I will be missing him and will wish I had more time.

I know I am failing at this and maybe this should be some kind of resolution, to better take advantage of the time I have with my father and maybe even others as well.

This week my cousin was found dead and he is only in his mid 30's with young children. A very sad situation and I have already thought about how I wished that I had kept in better touch with him. He was a good guy and I would have really enjoyed to have seen him once in awhile. That is my regret right now. Well then, should I just sit back and feel sorry that I did not visit him in several years until the next tragedy and feel sorry about that one and always be behind or should I actually catch on to how this works and start making the most out of the opportunities for relationships with those that will have them with me?

If this blog is acting as a journal for my children, I want to make it clear to never let things of this world get between you and your loved ones. Don't let your pride stop you from being a brother, sister, son, daughter, friend etc. and to never forget that things are just things and don't really matter. People make mistakes and need to be forgiven, always. And to never take people for granted because you never know when they will be gone. Love unconditionally. And when you have children of your own, kiss them way too many times, hug them so much from day one, always tell them that you love them and that they are the greatest blessing to you. As your Nana would say, "don't sweat the small stuff". Always make more deposits than withdraws from their emotional bank accounts. Get on the floor and play with their toys with them. And anytime you have to punish them, tell them that you love them, sincerely.

I know this is a long post, but sometimes you feel like you just want to make sure some things are said. I do love my family so much and I hope they know that. I hope my wife can some day say that I was a good husband and that my kids never feel badly in any way about their upbringing.

I love you guys,

your daddy and husband, Nathan Tanner