Missing Them

I have an opportunity to substitute teach tomorrow and we could use the money right now especially, so I took it. I am excited, but nervous. I am teaching the 8th grade math class for Mrs. Reynolds. I was really hoping to start out with a younger age, but this will be fun-I hope.

Nathan is still waiting for his fingerprint card to come back so he can send off for his substituting certificate. He interviews tomorrow for a local position that would allow us to stay here and keep our home. We are afraid to get our hopes up for anything right now and are just thankful for what work has come our way.

I am doing okay with the thought of teaching tomorrow, but have struggled being away from my children-Kelci especially. I have never left anyone of my children at such a young age. I know that I will see them tomorrow, they are staying the night at my mom's. I know they will be taken care of, but I feel like a part of me is missing.

I do not know how parents can handle being away from their children on a regular basis and can't imagine how difficult sending them to a daycare with lots of other children would be. I have been fortunate that my children have been able to go with family who love them and will take good care of them. I still miss them though.

Preston told me today that I am a good mom. I was so happy to hear that from him. He is really a sweet child. Even if he does sneak up from his nap and take pictures with my digital camera. He did not know yet that I had found the camera when he said to me "Mom, I think our camera has legs and maybe even arms, but it ran away." He makes me laugh. He took pictures of the things he loves. His batman shoes, batman trick-or-treating bucket that Auntie Tiffy bought him and his inflatable SpongeBob Daddy got him at the fake circus(that is another story).

My children have brought so much happiness to my life that I can hardly remember what life was like without them. I never thought my heart could hold so much love. I truly am amazed at the miracle of life and love. I try and think about how Heavenly Father must feel about all of his children and I cannot even begin to comprehend it. I have such a different perspective of the Atonement after becoming a mother. I can never question my Heavenly Father's love for me after he allowed his Son to go through such heartache and misery so that I could have a second chance.